Half empty, half full

Here again. 3 months down. Once I hit six I officially then have infertility, after a year with two miscarriages. Not likely, but it does happen. I know a woman who had two miscarriages, and after each one got pregnant with a healthy child almost immediately after--the first cycle. She's having her fourth kid. I can't imagine getting that unbelievably lucky that many times. Do people understand how rare, how hard that is, to have a healthy child? How precious? We are feeling sad, and angry, and impatient. I have so many blessings. I would have had a nearly 6 month old by now. I would be 7 months pregnant by now. I miss being pregnant. For those fleeting weeks I was so unbelievably happy. I want that feeling back, even if I lose it again. That hope. That intense love. I think people want me to be over this by now. I'm so not. I want my baby. I want it now. Tonight. I'm doing everything I can, I've found nothing is wrong, it's just not here. Life is good otherwise--if I didn't want a child so much, and have had the year of trying and losing--well I'd still have other griefs, but I would be able to enjoy the goodness more. But I just have to feel this anger, and resentment, and envy, and sadness, and grief, each times it comes until it passes. I love my child so much, the child I want to have. We both do. We're loving it tonight.