6 weeks, 3 days. No matter what happens on Monday or after, I have MFP and Pupstein and we dance together and we have our home and our creative work and all in all a complex life. This is another step on our journey to parenthood, and I'm proud of us for embarking on it, especially after so much grief already. And I'm pregnant right now and I'm so glad this little embryo is here.
I still only feel a rumble of nausea, but I wonder whether that's because after Monday's bout with it I've been taking it majorly easy, resting a ton. I feel so tired and my breasts are still way sore. Sometimes I feel so scared. I have all these "what if?" thoughts and I try to just recognize that they are giving me the message that this is a scary time and so I need to take care of myself as much as possible, not get wrapped up in the hypervigilance. Other times I feel pretty serene about how this is out of my control. There's nothing I can do but wait and see, so I can just enjoy this special time. And I might as well attach to my little embryo. Wouldn't you love to know you were loved from the very tiniest, most fragile beginnings of your life?
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